Cancer

17.06.06. Grandma went for normal body check-up. She coughs hard every night & found out there’s blood in her phlegm recently. Clinic had refer to Mount Alvernia Hospital for Ct Thorax(Full-Xray).

Report is out immediately. Doctor refuses to talk about what the results shown & mention she would not understand. Indeed, she doesn’t. He wanted to refer to my Aunt personally.
Bad karma. I can’t wait to tell aunt what’s going on.

18.06.06. Morning 11.30am. Aunt, me & grandma went to the clinic. Doctor said “I don’t need to say anything” He hands over a piece of small paper writing “CANCER”.
It’s reality now. Grandma is suffering from Lung Cancer. Spreading to the Liver. Now there are 3 tumors. The biggest about 5 cm & the smallest is 3cm. Why do it happen? She’s old & looking perfectly healthy. When doctor babbling English to us, I’m engrossed in his words. Grandma look lost & I saw tears enduring in her eyes. She still can joke with the doctor “Oh, there’s pearls growing in my body!” Not a time to joke. Im crying hard already. Grandma, can’t you just behave & be good?

Doctor had only 2 alternatives. First is to cure her by going through Kimo therapy & other treatments. Last is to let the tumors spread & let time just pass day by day…
Grandma is old I know, she refused any treatments, all because she’s afraid… The pain she will go through. The worries everyone have. I don’t know but I will respect her in her standpoint. Doc never mentioned what stage it is now only said it’s serious.

Maximum will be 3 yrs of lifespan…minimum 6 months… it’s all depends on her own body situation. I hope the pearls in her body will stay good. Pls wait for me to serve her well for this period. I want nothing now but only happiness & smiles from her. I promise I’ll be good & don’t make her worried. I own everyone a responsibility to take care of her.

She’s 77 this year. Yet she’s just looked like 10 years younger. She had no white hair & her eyes seem much brighter than me. She’s healthy…can visit the market everyday, joke with her friends but as times goes by, I just realize she loses a lot of weight. How lonely she is when she got home. Nobody is around. Not even me. I guess if something really happen, I’ll give up everything to be with her. How can you imagine the person closest to you is going to be weaker & weaker everyday, her hair will start to fall out bit by bit, looking more fatigue… the symptoms of lung cancer is beyond doubt unbearable.

Is it true? I can’t stop thinking why she would have cancer as she’s always been so healthy in my eyes. I can find the pain every moment I thought about it. It’s nothing not to worry & never an optimist again.

Praying so..so…so…..so hard. Let her live longer. Don’t create pain for her.Get her peace. I beg you, god.