Strange Ordeal

Life had been emotionally affected for me these 2 years. Within this period, I actually learned to be stronger…I hope with all I have now, I can still uphold for what’s coming into me. I don’t know if I have to go through this anymore or with the support of others. Of course, my hubby is already part of me. We vow for each other. But other than that, many things are unpredictable & keep undisclosed.

I often think why there are thousands, millions, billions, multi-zillions of people in this world..... Yet why I’m born in Singapore, right here? Who decide my family, friends, lovers or everybody for me? Why they create me in this manner? Why must I born to this fate while some are worst than me & some even live far better off than anyone else! So much endless questions twirl around my head… Y? Y? y? =(

Ever since my mom & nanny’s passing, followed by the closest person to me…my dearly loved grandma..then some of my relative’s added-up 3 or 4 passings, my neighbor which happened last 2 mths & today I wrote this, it was my neighbor’s mum. Before I knew this, hubby & I wanted to pay our respect to Uncle Ng tmr. I dreamt of him that night asking me for beer just outside my house. So I decided to call Auntie Jenny(Uncle Ng’s sister-in-law) to check where his urn was place…never did I expect Auntie Jenny told me his mother just passed away in the hospital due to lack of blood. So coincidentally, a piece of terribly sad news again =(
Do u guys remember the post I wrote about my neighbor, Uncle Ng on Feb? After the forlorn story, his mum finally rest in peace today..It had been real difficult times for their families to go thru’all these I guess..Imagine they have to run to hospital to visit the struggling mother consecutively for 2 months? Till now, I still felt downhearted whenever I walked pass his empty house…it will still be this feelings until this building tear down in end 2009 =(

Why it all happened together within these 2 years???? Why they created humans...Made us into family, taught us love, made us inseparable & ended up all leaving one by one. Only left us emotionally hurt & alone..I felt so insecure suddenly.

Those people I loved already left to other world..Please don’t take anyone away from me anymore =(

Of all those mentioned above, I strongly realize how fragile life is. All the things happened in my own eyes nothing seems good. Or is it time to change my environment?

How true you know…???

Last weekend, we went market in the morning & suddenly saw an old Indian lady fell flat on the ground from a far distance. Beside her was a heavy market trolley with loaded groceries. My heart weaken again..I immediately rushed towards her & help her up. The sight was very pitiful…imagine your grandma or any elderly fell? SOB SOB!!! I think she hurt her shoulder cos’ she keep rubbing on it & when I asked her if she needs doctor, I couldn’t understand a word of Tamil. Sighz. It was incredibly how she manages to buy so many things. I did help her to carry the ultimate heavy trolley all the way to her house..which is 2 streets away..omg..the first thing I asked “auntie, u stay which level??” Hah.. I can’t imagine if all the groceries turn out to fall all over me instead..

Just now when I was having my dinner @ Margaret Dr, we saw an old auntie ate the food leftover by another person. I think she is mentally-disordered cos’ she continually looking for targets after she finished one. My heart weakened AGAIN! AARRRGghhhh…I wanted to kill myself!!! Why my eyes only sees such troubles & my ears only hear unhappy problems.. Please let me off!!!

Just a cent worth of advice: treasure them like u never do if u feels they are important to u.

Tmr i'll attend my neighbour's wake to pay her last respect. (his mother meet his son 2 mths later in heaven)

The sound of grieves had not end yet. Melancholy nite.